Journaling your life

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When I first started this blog I intended to document every possible aspect of our wedding preparations and the actual“day”. Blogging turned out to be a lot more addictive than I expected and long after the wedding posts were done and dusted I was still blogging. I enjoyed scripting our lives and noting down details that I would otherwise not remember (bad case of goldfish memory here people). Three years down the line I read the posts in utter bewilderment. Being able to reflect on how we progressed from being a couple and then to being married and now to have a child…there is really nothing like it.

I was recently approached by a leading women’s magazine in Oman with the request to write a page on “Wedding Blogs” simply because I have one. However my “Wedding Blog” evolved over the years to become something of a totem of our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. My best friend always warns people that I am the worst person to talk to about being married because I tell it as it is. All of it. You would probably never hear me say the cliché phrases of “I am married to my best friend” or “I am so glad I found my soulmate” because quite frankly none of that relates to us. I am more likely to tell a bride-to-be that it’s a really long, tough road that will test your patience, courage, love and temper. That there are days when everything hangs on by a thread and there are nights where you don’t even think you will make it till the morning. Marriage is hard work people. You have to work hard to make it work. I agree that three and half years of holy matrimony doesn’t exactly make me an expert and maybe the odds and statistics are against us (every second marriage ends in divorce, seriously!) but I also think the hardest part is behind us and the ride will be a little smoother from now on.

Anyways, I got carried away, forgive me. Here is the article that was published this month:

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Wedding mementos are traditionally kept in the form of sacred vows, entertaining videos and heartfelt portraits.  As time passes more details begin to slip through the fingers until only the brightest and most memorable events of the day can be recalled. This is where journaling has come in to save the day for modern brides and grooms.  Documenting a wedding experience through an online diary or blog has become the new favorite way to recollect and more importantly share the wedding experience with others.

The desire to hang on to every sweet detail is primary reason for the creation of my person wedding blog- Happily Married to a Biker.  The engagement, the bittersweet preparations, the chaotic errands and the thrilling emotions that enveloped the most important day of our lives are all documented in this online journal. Creating a blog helped to cast in stone thousands of details that separately did not seem at all exciting.

A white wedding filled with family and friends and topped with a delicious cake is a direct result of very hard work, hundreds of hours of planning and the unlimited effort many people. It is equally important to remember how the bride’s dress came to be, who helped the groom write his speech, who picked out the invitations and what was on the menu. After all, months of planning go into one single day – the most important day of the couple’s lives.

Whilst planning the wedding I eagerly browsed the internet in search for tips and tricks to everything; from trendy napkin colors to the most fashionable shoes and I was pleased to discover many bloggers who generously shared their wedding experience with anyone willing to spare some time. Reading about the challenges and following the advice of couples who have already gone through a similar experience and learning from their mistakes has in many aspects helped us to make our wedding a success.

Three and half years have passed since the day we said our “I Do’s” and we have just recently become parents to a perfect baby girl. Many years from now when she hungrily analyzes our wedding album and bombards me with questions and I will probably be able to answer every single one of them- because I will remember. When she is old enough she will browse the blog and read entry after entry that will in detail show her how her parents fell in love, how they planned the wedding and every single anecdote of that day. She will not have to listen to me vaguely recall the events of the day or patiently wait for me to remember what flavor the wedding cake was because it will all be right there for her to read.

The actual wedding party is just the icing on the cake. I can boldly claim that we had more fun bringing the puzzle pieces together over the course of three months than we did during the actual wedding day. The wedding was extraordinary and absolutely picture perfect. Wedding pictures may be worth a thousand words but how the picture came to be is worth a million. I strongly recommend couples to document their wedding experience through a blog but they should remember to share both the good and the bad because everything that happened along the way contributed to the beginning of their brand new life together.

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Russian Community in Oman

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“You can take the idiot out of the village but you can’t take the village out of the idiot” or as this saying applies to me currently “You can take me out of PR but you can’t take PR out of me”.

I’ve been on maternity leave for about 10 days now and that was plenty of time for me to get myself involved in a massive project – an e-newsletter for the Russian Community in Oman. There are over 200 Russian and Russian speaking people here in Oman and yet there isn’t a single blog, Facebook page or website that successfully unites all these people and allows them to communicate with each other. Sure, a lot of them know each other already but plenty of new people arrive all the time!

Also I saw a demand in forming a communication path that would allow these people to ask questions, advertise businesses, publish vacancies, look for baby sitters, exchange books and DVDs- in their own language! In other countries, this initiative is typically carried out by the embassy, most even go as far as to host a “club” or hold meetings to encourage communications between the community members. Unfortunately the Russian Embassy in Oman has not taken on any similar challenges yet (at least not without strong encouragement of volunteers) but maybe such projects will encourage them in the future.

The e-newsletter is of a very basic Word format at the moment and it gets sent out to a database of the Russian Community which I have independently put together overtime. Once a week the 3-4 page document containing the latest news relevant to the community gets sent to those on the database. I am hoping the number of contacts I have will grow overtime especially now that people have begun to email me asking to be added to the list of receivers.

Generally the feedback I have received has been very positive, a lot of people are saying its a very good idea and are inspiring me to continue with it. In time I am hoping I will not be the only one involved in this, I encourage active participation not just in the form of submitting advertisements and news but in writing articles or organizing events that the whole community can participate in.

If you wish to receive this newsletter (in Russian!) please email ruscomoman@gmail.com and I will gladly add you to the address book, likewise if you are selling/advertising/looking for a job/have a vacancy/require a translator/selling your car, please also e-mail me and I will add your news to the newsletter!

Wish me luck!

On my mind…

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This is a re-post of an article I recently read, I hope you will enjoy it. It is Tina Fey’s Hilarious Prayer for Her Daughter. All those things are on my mind these days (and so are sushi, Mexican food and Italian pasta):

 First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her. When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.

Is it just my hormones or did this make you teary too?

I am still here…

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I’ve been sitting here, chewing my lower lip nervously and staring at the “new post” window close to 20 minutes now. For the hundredth time this week.

It’s not that I don’t know what to write about- I have plenty of ideas bouncing around one better than the other. It’s just that none of them are as epic or seem as entertaining as the topic I have planned for a later post. A much later post. To avoid giving anything away just yet, let’s leave it at that.

Meanwhile, rest assured that I am still around and big things are happening as I type this. Huge things. Enormously gigantic things. Soon to come are a series of posts that will blow your mind and glue you to this excuse-of-a-blog for many moons to come. (A girl can hope right?)

I absolutely suck at surprises so I am going to keep this post short to avoid actually blabbing it all out now.

Drum roll please.

Are you all jittery and excited yet?

Can we be friend?

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Apparently I look like someone who is in dire need of some good new friends. Not a week goes by that I don’t find strange and somewhat disturbing messages in my Facebook inbox from men who seem to believe that they have what it takes to befriend me. Mind you now, I would understand if my Facebook picture was provocative or even the least bit sexy. Maybe if I was doing the spread eagle in a skimpy bikini “Lonely Wolf” might have reason enough to send across a friend request. Most of the time my Facebook profile picture is either or me and my husband in a warm embrace- but “SexyMan2012” still thinks its ok to seek my everlasting friendship. I do occasionally allow myself to pass judgement on girls who’s profile picture is around 80% breasts and 20% face- now they have no right to reject “Lonely Wolf” when he comes calling for them. At the moment I am actually holding a puppy and hugging my brother on my profile picture- that could be my child for all these freaks know! So dear weird stalkers. Quit it. I am not going to have an epiphany when I read your request to be “long time friend” as I have plenty of real, well-intentioned and mentally stable friends. Thank you very much.
Here are some of the most recent proposals I have received and my proposed answers.(Don’t kill yourself laughing):

1. Al Yak****
hello Olga
how are u?
we can be friend?
thanx alot dear
Oh dear honey munchik sugar pie Al Yak***. Ofcourse we can be friend. We can even watch Kung Fu Panda this coming weekend. Or better yet, why don’t we skip the whole “friendship” charade and rent a room for the weekend? Thanks a lot dear.

2. Ali ***

Hope life treat u good,,
I’m half Omani man :-).. I lived most of my life outside Oman,,,,i’m back now 2 Muscat.. I love everything beautiful in this life, accepting life in all its glory and despair., Live for Love and die for it… I like to enjoy every second of my life and make it the best moment if i could.. i’m single and looking for a place for my heart :-).
I would like to know u and hope if we can be in touch..
Yours
Gentleman
Dear Gentleman, thank you for your heartfelt revelations. I feel like I have known you all my life. It is a wonder that you are single, seeing that you accept life in all its glory in despair- I used to think a lot of women out there do the same. Since you are back 2 Muscat why don’t I show you around the city? I could probably take a few days leave off work and we could go on excursions and beautiful coastline cruises…oh how I can’t wait to be “in touch” with you! Yours truly, Gentlewoman.

3. Massager
hello how r u …i am massager from muscat ,,,u want good massage pls send mail .after i will give my number
Dear Massager from muscat, thank you for extending your services. The available 5 star signature spas and beauty salons are just not up to my expectations, you know? Sometimes I seek an edge or a thrill! And next time I do- I will be sure to give you a call and you can gove me a good massage! I look forward to our next close encounter dear massager and I just know your business will prosper in muscat!

Now these are just the crème of the pie (or the pick of the litter) as I could not possibly bother to dig any deeper. I don’t actually ever reply to messages like that as I don’t want to spend even a second of my day on these weird, desperate, delusional people.
I would be happy write to tell them to Fkcu Off and ignoring them works just as well. Weird. Freaks.

What happened to meeting girls the old fashioned way?

And the award goes to…

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It’s been an odd week here in blogland with the bloggers taking their picks at blogs of note and reposting the ranking for others to see. Oman Collective Intelligence set off the rocket with their post on Top 15 most popular blogs in Oman, which was then reposted by Dhofar Gucci (who made it to #4 on the list-Congratulations!!!). The list was also linked on The Oman Brit’s post and she went on to put together her own list of blogs she enjoys. I did a little shriek of happiness when I discovered Is This Serious on the 3rd position of The Oman Brit’s favorite blogs! C’s blog was made headlines! When C launched her blog some three months ago, I posted a link here calling it my anti-blog and recommending for everyone to check it out because it has zest and attitude! I believe Angry in Oman has inspired C to speak out and say it as it is; be it about getting followed, getting sued or even getting your eyebrows done in Oman! So dear C, thank you for the frustration that you have endured and are now willingly sharing with us for our amusement! We LOVE your blog!

Here a few of my favorite quotes from Is This Serious:

“As I was walking back home, grown ass men started barking at the dog, so I shouted MORE so everybody shuts up. Now I am known in the neighborhood as the crazy dog lady who screams at people.”

“Even if I told someone fuck fuck fuckidy fuck, why would they actually bother making that into an issue instead of catching REAL criminals, sex offenders, and thieves! It’s not like we don’t have enough issues to address!!”

“Groomer: Yes madam, no problem. Only hair, no head.

Me: YESSS head!!!!! NO BALLS. JUST DON’T SHAVE HIS BALLS. OK????”

So dear readers please pay Is This Serious a visit to find out what all the fuss is about.

How to lose an employee in ten days…

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We are all familiar with Conan Doyle’s masterpiece “How to make friends and influence people” and the spin offs that followed. The modern-day business sections of book stores are boasting with books promising to motivate, educate and retain the most effective employees.  No one seems to write books titled “The jerk’s guide to business ethics” or “101 ways to insult your staff”. Well businessmen out there- do not fear! I have put together a rough guide that can be used to piss off and ultimately lose your most productive and valued employees.

(Disclaimer: All quotes and incidents presented below are non-fictional and have actually been used by an employer to drive away hard working and talented staff. )

The following phases must be said in an intimidating and inferior manner:

Late in the evening after hours of overtime:
• “Why are your eyes so blood shot, are you on drugs?”
• “If you leave work right now, you can never come back”
• “Your legs look good in this skirt”

In an official meeting where minutes are taken:
• “That color of nail polish doesn’t match your clothes”
• “Please send me a rough draft of your menstrual cycle”
• “That rash on your face looks like an STD, you should have it checked”
• “I am like a tree, my branches can bend anyway they want”
• “The women in the company can get a day off for PMS every month”
• “Please bring up my cookies and a glass of milk”
• “Make my meetings and travel dates flexible, my mother might pass away next week”

During a moment of truth:
• “If you don’t lose weight your boyfriend will not want to have sex with you”
• “But what are you going to do if your husband dies tomorrow?”
• “Do you know any Russian women I could meet?”
• “If your husband is travelling for business he is probably cheating on you”
• “Why do you look so tired, did you have a lot of fun with your boyfriend last night?”
• “In a company we are one family, sometimes we will need to go to my house to finish work”
• “Do you have any single friends who can come to the concert with me?”
• “You forget everything! It’s probably because you have young children”
• “Your butterfly tattoo is a symbol of prostitution, clearly”

To an Omani employee:
• “I forbid you to wear a black headscarf- its depressing, the orange one is just more cheerful…you know?”
• “You are fined for not showing up to work the day it rained and all the roads in Mawaleh flooded making it impossible to come to Muscat, it doesn’t matter that you actually live in Mawaleh”
• “You are not allowed to lock the door when you are praying in the kitchen, what if I need a glass of water?”
• “You should shape your eyebrows or no one will marry you”

Should the above phrases not provide immediate results, try the following:
• Ask your employees to pick up your lunch during their lunch break
• Ask for apples/cookies/sandwiches to be given to you at a very specific time everyday
• Sneak up on female employees and make animal sounds
• Call your female employees after 10pm and scold them for not picking up the phone fast enough
• Refer to employees in the company as “the black one, the ugly one or the fat one”
• Freak your employees out by googling things like “Single European women travelling alone”
• Rub your enormous stomach and ask in a sexy voice if you have lost weight this week.
• Insist that employees cannot have two days off because you get bored during the weekends
• Lock your female employee out on purpose while she is on her smocking break (out of good intentions of course! Maybe she will quit!)
• Go into the toilet as soon as your employee is done to make sure they put the toilet seat down

Voila. Do you think these are bizarre? They may be but you have my word for it…they actually work!

Now you are ready to verbally assault and consequently drive away even the most resilient team! Go figure!

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