Apparently I look like someone who is in dire need of some good new friends. Not a week goes by that I don’t find strange and somewhat disturbing messages in my Facebook inbox from men who seem to believe that they have what it takes to befriend me. Mind you now, I would understand if my Facebook picture was provocative or even the least bit sexy. Maybe if I was doing the spread eagle in a skimpy bikini “Lonely Wolf” might have reason enough to send across a friend request. Most of the time my Facebook profile picture is either or me and my husband in a warm embrace- but “SexyMan2012” still thinks its ok to seek my everlasting friendship. I do occasionally allow myself to pass judgement on girls who’s profile picture is around 80% breasts and 20% face- now they have no right to reject “Lonely Wolf” when he comes calling for them. At the moment I am actually holding a puppy and hugging my brother on my profile picture- that could be my child for all these freaks know! So dear weird stalkers. Quit it. I am not going to have an epiphany when I read your request to be “long time friend” as I have plenty of real, well-intentioned and mentally stable friends. Thank you very much.
Here are some of the most recent proposals I have received and my proposed answers.(Don’t kill yourself laughing):

1. Al Yak****
hello Olga
how are u?
we can be friend?
thanx alot dear
Oh dear honey munchik sugar pie Al Yak***. Ofcourse we can be friend. We can even watch Kung Fu Panda this coming weekend. Or better yet, why don’t we skip the whole “friendship” charade and rent a room for the weekend? Thanks a lot dear.

2. Ali ***

Hope life treat u good,,
I’m half Omani man :-).. I lived most of my life outside Oman,,,,i’m back now 2 Muscat.. I love everything beautiful in this life, accepting life in all its glory and despair., Live for Love and die for it… I like to enjoy every second of my life and make it the best moment if i could.. i’m single and looking for a place for my heart :-).
I would like to know u and hope if we can be in touch..
Yours
Gentleman
Dear Gentleman, thank you for your heartfelt revelations. I feel like I have known you all my life. It is a wonder that you are single, seeing that you accept life in all its glory in despair- I used to think a lot of women out there do the same. Since you are back 2 Muscat why don’t I show you around the city? I could probably take a few days leave off work and we could go on excursions and beautiful coastline cruises…oh how I can’t wait to be “in touch” with you! Yours truly, Gentlewoman.

3. Massager
hello how r u …i am massager from muscat ,,,u want good massage pls send mail .after i will give my number
Dear Massager from muscat, thank you for extending your services. The available 5 star signature spas and beauty salons are just not up to my expectations, you know? Sometimes I seek an edge or a thrill! And next time I do- I will be sure to give you a call and you can gove me a good massage! I look forward to our next close encounter dear massager and I just know your business will prosper in muscat!

Now these are just the crème of the pie (or the pick of the litter) as I could not possibly bother to dig any deeper. I don’t actually ever reply to messages like that as I don’t want to spend even a second of my day on these weird, desperate, delusional people.
I would be happy write to tell them to Fkcu Off and ignoring them works just as well. Weird. Freaks.

What happened to meeting girls the old fashioned way?

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